Posts Tagged ‘Relationships’

What trains can teach us about relationships..

Sep 30 2015

.. Insights from a zugteilung in Hanover The special overnight trains which in English we hopefully call sleepers, are in Germany sensibly called Nachtzug, night trains. No false expectations there. In fact, I’ve used the Nachtzug many times, and they’re very comfortable. However, my recent German holiday involved getting onto the night train in Hamburg at 00:31, and off in Cologne at 06:14. Exotically, this Nachtzug was from Copenhagen to Switzerland, with special coaches for Prague and for Amsterdam via Cologne. German is a wonderfully literal language, so I didn’t need my dictionary to figure out that Zugteilung meant train-part-ing. In Hanover, night trains from Copenhagen, Berlin and elsewhere would be split up, shunted about, and rejoined.

The reality of this was that around 2am, when I’d at last got soundly asleep, my coach was repeatedly and vigorously bounced, as if the German engine drivers were playing ping-pong. It’s thanks to this awakening experience that I can offer you this new model of relationships. Gehen wir los… Imagine that a relationship is like the connection between railway carriages. Your relationship may run smoothly along the tracks, round the bends, through the tunnels, for a good while. But there come times when you have to uncouple, and this can be bumpy. There’s also the question of destinations. You may hope that your relationship is headed in a certain direction, just as I had bought a Nachtzug ticket for Cologne, but once embarked, other factors are at work…The driver and signalmen can take you to Hanover, or wherever, and bump you around as they choose. Depending upon your chosen weltanschaung (outlook on the world), their role could be compared to Fate, guardian angels, or the working-out of your own complex subconscious.

However, if you and your adjacent carriage need to go in different directions, the Zugteilung is inevitable: but you may end up coupled to a new coach from an interesting origin. Who knows what plans the Fat Controller of relationships may have for you? At least you now have a fine German word for the process. 

By Alan Heeks

PE in men over 50

Feb 04 2014

PE 1 Premature ejaculation is a condition where men are, for various reasons, unable to have a long enough endurance during vaginal intercourse to last longer than a minute before ejaculation. This is a condition that affects men around the world, and reports have also shown that men over the age of 50 have as much of a chance of having premature ejaculation as younger men. While there are many factors that could contribute to the reason why this continued to occur, most researchers agree that it is a psychological condition that makes the male mentally unable to perform well. Whether or not this is due to conditions that reach these patients from a subconscious level depends on the individual and their background when it comes to past sexual performance.

The Stimulations Used by Prolong

Throughout the first new study into psychosocial cures for PE, stimulations had to be implemented in order to help the males in the study have a better chance of reaching ejaculation. The stimulations, which were all give to the men to perform which during the masturbation exercises, consisted of the following:

  • a vibrator for men
  • lubrication
  • photos and videos to have them mentally prepared

Each male was given enough lubrication to apply to the area before masturbation commenced. Also, during the time they were part of the session they had a certain time period upon which they were not allowed to speak with their partners about the specifics of the sessions. However, after a few weeks they were then allowed to inform their partners and later have their partners become part of the session through the use of surveys based on their experience of vaginal intercourse. The reason for keeping partners “in the dark” about the sessions was to make sure that some of the males who had PE did not have the condition primarily due to their partners.

Recordings and Findings

pe 2

Each session involved the males masturbating and being told to stop before reaching the climax. This was done in order to have accurate data based on just how long these patients were able to masturbate until reaching completion. As noted earlier, throughout their intercourse sessions with their partners outside of the sessions, patients would use a stopwatch and time how long it took for them to ejaculate.

A Better Performance Pill

Eventually, the pills included in the Prolong treatment would get added to the session. While taking the medication, patients took survey questions and answered them based on how they performed while taking Prolong. The results showed that there was a significant improvement in most males.  Additional information about the treatment and the exact data calculated can be found at aboutpe.com.

Link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Premature_ejaculation

Submitted by Jack Vale

Top 10 tips for maturing men – by Alan Heeks

Sep 24 2013 The Maturing Times has recently published an article written with Alan Heeks, author of “Out of the Woods : a guide to life for men beyond 50” giving his top 10 tips for maturing men. Each of the tips covers topics featured in his book, and are so much of what  MB50 is about! Together they are a great summary of what affects so many of us and we hope that through events, blogs, links and news we can embrace these tips and ‘make them real’ in our every day lives. Everyone that reads them will no doubt identify with at least one of them, and let’s be honest.. probably more than half! Have a look and see if you recognise anyone :)…  

Learning to love – by Walter Michka

Aug 12 2013

There wasn’t a lot of what I’d call love in my household growing up. My parents were cold, unemotional, verbally and physically abusive to me, and each other, at times. I can’t remember my father ever saying he loved me or giving me a hug. My mother told me once when I was a teenager: “I love you,” she said, followed by “but I don’t like you.” The years of psychological therapy after my quadruple bypass helped me reprocess my parents’ behavior and put it in perspective. It didn’t excuse how they acted and it didn’t erase the mark it left on me but I more or less understand the kind of people they were.

All four of my grandparents were immigrants from Belarus; they were icy and stoic. The two on my mother’s side lost their first three children in the 1918 flu pandemic. The two on my father’s side suffered through a loveless, arranged marriage. Their lives were a struggle.

I learned love by my parents’ example. I had a steady girlfriend in high school and quite a few more in college— dates, hook-ups, I even lived with a few women. I never had strong feelings for any of them, really, not feelings of love. I didn’t know what love should feel like. I certainly never experienced the kind of love toward them you see in movies, the deep, yearning, stare-into-each-other’s-eyes gushing kind of love.

When I met my wife it was far from love at first sight. You know those stories they tell on talkshows where the guy says: “the moment I saw her I told myself that was the woman I’m going to marry?” That wasn’t us. She liked me, flirted with me, hung out with my friends and me. But I barely knew she was there. Months later, I bumped into her again and I asked her out. We dated and moved in together. It took years before I asked her to marry me and only after she pretty much threatened to break up.

I didn’t think much of marriage. There weren’t a lot of great role models to encourage me that it was something I wanted to try. My parents’ shouting and fighting, the cold, distant marriages of other relatives… I wasn’t in any rush.

My children showed me what love is.

When our first child was born, I was smitten. I finally felt that deep, yearning, stare-into-each-other’s-eyes gushing kind of love you see in movies…  Sharing that love with one, then two, then three more kids didn’t diminish that feeling one bit. In fact, it was more like love to the fourth power. It was a sinking ache in my chest that could make me well up with tears just seeing them play with Legos. Sometimes I’d be watching a video with Jack, let’s say, Thomas the Tank Engine for the 20th time, and he’d catch me looking at him instead of the TV.

“I’m watching The Jack Show,” I’d tell him. “This is my favorite episode where Jack watches a movie with his dad.”

My wife worked nights and weekends as a stage actress when our children were little, so that was my time to step in as Mr. Mom. That really helped me get closer to my children, helped me become the kind of father I never had growing up.

With time and the help of my psychologist, I’ve come to realize what love is— to me. My wife and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary this past April (although we’ve been together 29 as she’s quick to add). My love for my wife has grown over the years, matured, or maybe I’m just in better touch with it. And while it still might not be the yearning, gushing kind of love of a romantic drama, it’s become the loudness and laughter and warm hugs of a Neil Simon play.

 

Walter Michka is a guest writer for MB50 and currently writes for the Chicago Post, along with other publications. We recently posted his insights to life following his major heart surgery.

 

Dads through the ages: a history

Aug 12 2013

fathers and sonsFatherhood changes with the times, and wasn’t always as we’ve believed it to be. Adrienne Burgess shows how fatherhood was shaped through culture and economics (mainly in Northern Europe) and how it continues to shape YOU as a father. And we ask: “how new is ‘new’ dad?” . . .